Tournament of Champions, sponsored by ABH foundation.

On a cool damp winter afternoon, seven knights took to the battle ground. Sir Halback of Longfellow, Sir Jack of Bridgemakers, Sir McKinney of Scotland, Sir Bartholomew of Brucedom, Sir Brian of Poland, Sir Wayne of No Painland, and the infamous Spanish Black Knight, El Conejo. A battle of titanic portions took place raging from hole to hole, as each swung forged clubs down the fairways. Mighty cracks and booms could be heard for miles around; along with fierce battle cries of “No desire!” and “Oh Shit! Damn Tree!”

El Conejo took care of the knights from Longfellow and Brucedom; and laid in wait for knights from Poland and No Painland in the course pub. Poland and No Painland did battle from hole to hole, but Sir Wayne started to crack under the pressure of keeping up with Sir Brian and his mighty swings. Every swing from Sir Brian, he could hear a distant whimper from Sir Wayne. Lass they reached the final battle on 9. Sir Brian unleashed a mighty swing with a thunderous cracked that rattled the foundations of the nearby Spanish Castle. The ball sailed through the air as thou shot from a cannon, crashing through a tree and ending just a few feet from out of bounds but pin high. The Scotsman and the Bridgemaker were still in the hunt but were waiting in the shadows with what appeared to be safe swings. Then Sir Wayne swung and with a resounding thud, the ball flew uncontrollably toward a sandy grave on the left side of the fairway. As our knights approached their next shots Sir Brian and Sir Wayne contemplated their next swings to leave an easy birdie putt. Sir Steve of Scotland had a few choice words to describe his approach as it sailed over the pin and the green. Sir Jack unable to find his original ball took a drop, and struck a shot that landed 15 ft. pass the pin.

Sir Brian showing the touch of a skilled craftsman laid his ball just a few feet from the hole. Sir Wayne, who had been showing the chinks in his armor, proceeded to dig a small grave in that sandy bunker. As the seven was recorded for Sir Wayne, Sir Brian was almost rest assured of a rabbit dinner; a dinner that was soon spoiled by a terrific putt from Sir Jack and a miss from Sir Brian.

As the knights gathered to tell tales of their battle over a few cold pints of their favorite ale, the infamous snicker could be heard from the Black Knight El Conejo as they approached. The Spanish Knight looked over at the final scores on the cards and looked to his left at Sir Wayne; with a sneer and an uncontrolled snicker he boasted a statement that Sir Wayne had said earlier “At No time Shall you, Sir Henry, ever best upon the game of golf!” Sir Henry aka The Black Knight looked down at the cards and said “Sir Wayne, you have been weighed, you have been measured, and you have been found beaten.”

Yes, Sir Wayne had been bested by the Black Knight on nine holes. This humiliating defeat has become known as being “Wayned”.